Arcana
This website is under construction!
What you see now is bare-bones. I'm currently working on adding entries and information, so please check back!
Acana is both a collective name for me and my headmates, as well as the headspace we reside in when not interacting in the real world. We are plural, although our experience hasn't been a common one we've seen. So, I decided to make this wiki-like page to help others understand who we are, how we operate, and what our inner world is like. Hopefully, we can raise some awareness along the way for plurals like us who feel unrepresented in the community.
We use the word family for ourselves, not system.I've been plural since I was a child, which was before public social media existed. I did not learn popular terminology until my twenties when we'd already figured out what works best for us. I spent a long period of time not knowing what being plural meant and not knowing any other plurals, and I didn't confide in many because I was not often taken seriously when I tried to.Not all plurals use the word system, and it's important to change the way we talk about plurality to include that fact. Many common definitions say that plurals are referred to as systems by default, and those with differing terminology have been ignored and talked over by the community. I've had that isolating experience, which is why I no longer get involved in the community or support community projects. It was clear that community leaders did not want to make room for differing experiences when developing social networks and apps, and they stuck to popular terminology only, giving no option for otherwise. This made us feel forced to conform or not be in those spaces at all.It's also important to stress that you do not need a collective name to be valid. Many plurals do have a collective name, and the only reason we do is because we felt pressured by the community to have one to be valid, or to be able to participate. In hindsight, this should not have happened.All of that said, popular terminology is valid, and we support all plurals, regardless of their origin or how they prefer to refer to themselves. I just want to start a conversation about how we generalize. The community must listen to plurals who do not feel they are represented. It's already a difficult enough of a life being plural and navigating this world as a plural entity. We shouldn't be creating an environment where many feel isolated and alone like I did.
Headspace
The headspace, to us, is a small world internally where many live and exist when not fronting. Any of us can go inward and exist in this world, and the things we do there are often written as they happen since it's how I like to keep a record of things.There is a basic neighborhood structure. The large house on the hill belongs to a few of us that arrived first. Others have their own places, so there are a few smaller homes, as well as a funeral home where a mortician and his life partner live. A graveyard is where two spirt twins and another undead live. There is a small book store where one of us spends his time.Not everyone in the headspace fronts or is an alter. Some just exist there. There are also locations outside of the neighborhood that exist as they are needed, and they are best described as little pocket environments such as a hospital room, or look-alikes of the real world.Besides the specific headmates that live in the headspace, the world is otherwise populated by shadow men of varying sizes.
Homes
Here you will find a list of homes. Each entry will explain when they came into being, as well as a description of what they look like.
Public Places
Here you will find a list of static public places. Each entry will explain when they came into being, as well as a description of what they look like.
Pocket Environments
Here you will find a list of temporary pocket environments. These places appear as needed but are ever-changing, or they are temporary and only visited once or twice.
Headmates
Currently Around
Intermittent Appearances
Background Occupants
- Blue
- Enigma
- Phocas 'Grim'
- Genevieve
- Charlotte
- Doppelganger
- Tran Sirchade
- Adonis
- Katan
- Morbund & Feint
- Gip
- Shadowmen
Zagan Lestan
Name: Zagan Lestan
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Pansexual
Race: Vampire/demon
Age: 300+ (appearance is late 20s)
Role: Spirit guide/protector/soulmate
About
Zagan was once human in the eighteenth century, which didn't work out for him very well. He'd tried to escape Hell to get away from his curse, as he called it, of being a demon of lust who could turn water to blood and back, but his superior found him again after he was reborn.Zagan had left behind all memories of being a demon when he'd crossed over, so he was none the wiser to who the demon Zehro was. Zagan trusted him to have a solution to his biggest problem; his sick and dying sister who was very dear to him.Zehro promised a gift, but that gift put him right back where he was before he'd finally found peace. He'd become a vampire and was a human no more, and his memories returned. The first time he accidentally killed someone while drinking their blood, he left Zehro behind and disappeared.
I met Zagan when I was about twelve years old as Lestan, his human family's name. I'd been drawing at the time on my parent's front deck, and I'd drawn him. I don't remember much from then, as I didn't yet know I was plural, but meeting him changed my life. He helped me survive an abusive relationship in my teen years, and he taught me that love didn't have to be painful.As I grew into an adult, Zagan switched in often during sex with others. I still didn't know I was plural, so I wasn't aware of it. All I knew was that I didn't fear intimacy like I thought I should after being sexually abused, but a long-term partner began to notice it. It started as a joke, that he felt like he'd slept with Zagan, or that Zagan had somehow come out.Zagan is a spirit guide, so he isn't an alter like some of the others. Regardless, he can switch in just like the others, but it's very short term and for one purpose, and it's with me fully present. He is otherwise one of my life partners and provides emotional support, and he is never absent. He used to leave for short periods to do his own thing, but as I've gotten older, he's remained at my side a majority of the time.
Byleth
About
Byleth was once an angel in Heaven. He held an important throne and was respected by all, but disliked not being able to help humans or side with them. His main power was love, but he was unable to use it, so he began to question the purpose. He approached God and voiced his unhappiness, and he wanted there to be more peace between Heaven and Hell.He was cast out of Heaven for this and lost his wings. As a fallen angel, he grew horns that turned golden to show that he had maintained his royalty, and he became one of many kings of Hell. For a while he was averse to love in any way, and he kept to himself in his own corner of Hell. He rekindled his love for human sciences that he'd started to read about in Heaven, and he took a liking to medical science.During the 60s and 70s, he found a bit of his old self again as he fell in love with the era and its music. Ever since, he's embraced love in many forms, lust being one of them.
I met Byleth in the summer of 2016 while struggling with anorexia and a chronic stomach illness that wasn't yet diagnosed. I'd been writing a script for an animation starring him, as I'd found his name in the occult dictionary I referenced often for character ideas. I didn't read much about him other than a few lines, but when he appeared, I was surprised.At first, he was short-tempered and pushy. He often made sarcastic jokes at my expense without meaning to truly hurt me. A few were about my weight at the time, which was rapidly declining. He'd said them off-hand and didn't think much about it.Eventually, he tried to guide me to become healthier, and he attempted to be a voice of reason where I struggled. I worried constantly about my health and had panic attacks every night, some so severe I grew dizzy and feverish and ached all over.Byleth and I became intimate, and I realized I cared for him. He was unsettled by that at first, but he grew to feel the same, and as a spirit guide, he's been not only my voice of reason, but a witty source of humor when I need it the most.I've often joked that he's the dad figure in the group. With his love of the 60s and 70s and appearing the oldest of all of us, he just fits that role well. He was once mostly into women, but since he's been with Zagan and Darokin, he's acknowledged that he's truly pansexual.He's around as much as Zagan — 24/7. He's only switched in rarely in the past to interact with a friend who wanted to spend time with him, but otherwise, he's a spirit guide and doesn't switch with me. I wrote a book with him in it, but it's about my past. During the spring of 2020, I thought, 'What if I'd met Byleth when I was a kid instead?' He would have protected me from all of the bad things.There are some fictional elements thrown into the narrative of course, to make it interesting to read, but at its core, it contains a lot of my struggles with mental illness and abuse.
Darokin
Name: Darokin
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gray-asexual
Race: Demon
Age: Ageless (appearance is early 30s)
Role: Spirit guide
About
Darokin has mostly been a closed book. He's very quiet and private about his past, but from what I do know, he's a prince in Hell. He initially came up here to observe humanity, but he ended up staying once he'd become my spirit guide. He struggled with human emotions at first, as many demons do not experience many of them as we know them. He said they were contagious, which is is why most demons stay away or only visit for short periods of time.Darokin was, at first, not really big on intimacy and love, and he still is at odds with love. He's better defined as reciprosexual, which means he mostly experiences sexual attraction for another person if they desire him first. Otherwise, he feels gray-asexual fits him best. He may be aromantic as well, but he hasn't said either way.Darokin works with shadows and shadow entities, and he feels most alive beneath the moonlight. He's generally peaceful, calm, and collected, and he rarely becomes angry. Even when angry, he has a calm about him and his voice only becomes firm. He never raises it.He also enjoys Hinduism and meditation, and he is truly a spirit guide when it comes to spirituality. He encourages divination and rituals, which to us, involves pulling out tarot or oracle cards, lighting incense, and getting in touch with Darokin's shadow world. I've written more about that here.
I first met Darokin when I was in high school, and I think I was in my junior year — 11th grade in the US. I was in study hall and hadn't slept well the night previous, so I pulled out my notebook to doodle as I often did. I began to nod off but continued to doodle, and when I awoke, I'd sketched out a rough idea of his face and a jumbled version of his name. I believe this may have been my first time with automatic writing.I can't remember if he appeared to me after that, but years later when I was in my mid-twenties and still living at home, he came to me again. I'd stopped wearing my baphomet pentagram and tried to find healing with the light, and I'd been studying Wicca, which I never really connected with. My parents were verbally and mentally abusive, and I was at the end of my rope. I was also dealing with a malevolent haunted doll I'd been gifted, and I was having nightmares.When Darokin appeared again, I was glad to see him. He said he was a sign that I should return to my previous left-hand path spirituality and that I'd only continue to suffer if I turned my back on it. I was meant to be on that path, so I agreed and pulled my baphomet pendant back out. I felt like I'd come home.Darokin was a big help to me during bouts of paranoia and psychotic symptoms. At the time, I'd experienced my first intense sleep paralysis episode, and I was hyperalert due to living in an abusive environment, which amplified my symptoms. I ended up in the hospital a few times for suicidal ideation, and once for attempting.Darokin was always there. All I had to do was ask and he'd come with me into the bathroom to help me feel safe while I showered, and he gave gentle affirmation that there was nothing there to hurt me when I was home alone, that my fears of the shadowmen I saw were unfounded. They couldn't hurt me.He has a habit of making me answer my own questions with clever reverse questioning. He's brought me many enlightening spiritual experiences. I hope to one day learn more about him, if he ever wishes to share. I've written more about him and my spirituality here.
Vexis
About
Vexis is nothing easily defined by human terms, but the best we've come up with is 'eldritch entity.'They were never human, although they'd wanted to be. They spent many years living through forgotten dreams as a human, and their final one was so memorable and traumatic that they clung to it. They'd been bullied for being nonbinary, and they slowly succumbed to a violent psychotic break. They had a shadowman accompanying them the entire time, and it was their only companion.They were sent to a hospital after the violent outbreak, and they tried medications, but they didn't like how it made them feel. They ended up jumping off of a bridge and drowned. Since they weren't truly human, this resulted in them landing in a strange void, and they were greeted by a Death figure.They ended up on a journey through a sort of purgatory. It was nightmarish, to say the least, but their shadowman was there throughout all of it. It finally revealed answers to them, and Vexis came to learn what they truly once were.They still wanted to be human, so they accomplished that in the only way they hadn't tried before. By living alongside one.
I wasn't aware of who Vexis was or that they were even there until I had a psychotic break of my own during quarantine in 2020. I felt that there was something there, an alter that I wasn't aware of. I realized I'd been writing about them and calling them The Voice for many years. They were The Voice that taunted me, encouraged me to harm myself, and showed me terrifying things. They were my tormentor, but for far longer than I realized.When I was a child, I had trouble with intrusive dark thoughts. As soon as they'd hit me out of nowhere, I'd dissociate immediately after, and then I'd have a panic attack wondering what in the hell had happened. Looking back now, it had been Vexis. They had been with me since birth, which was another unsettling realization.When I was born, I had a near-death experience. I'm not sure what I saw or experienced back then during that month I spent in the NICU on life support, but Vexis came to me. They told me this when I started questioning how far back they went with me while co-fronting. I'd been drifting in and out of a dissociative state to write their history, as dictated by them.When I looked back through my journals, I found a few entries that were very telling, and I suspected Vexis had stepped in during those moments. The moments when I lacked control over my own words, and everything that came out of my mouth was angry even if I hadn't been saying anything negative. I wrote that I felt like something else was in control, and I'd exist in a 'dreamlike state' for a day or two.Vexis doesn't front anymore, nor are they the tormentor they once were. We've come to a truce, and while they still have a penchant for creeping me out, they've also taught me to not fear the things that appear in my nightmares. They've even accompanied me during a couple of meditations into their void-like world.I wrote a book about us. I added in some fictional elements to make it interesting to read, but the story in general holds a lot of truth.
Shel Ghostie
Calubus
Tetsu
Name: Tetsu
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gay
Race: Elf
Age: Late 30s
Role: Alter
Jack
Name: Jack
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gray-asexual
Race: Spirit (fragment of Death)
Age: Ageless (appearance is mid 20s)
Role: Spirit guide
Baalthazar
Name: Baalthazar
Gender Identity: Nonbinary
Pronouns: He/they
Sexuality: Asexual
Race: Half-demon
Age: Ageless (appearance is early 20s)
Role: ???
Jag
Name: Jag
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Heteroflexible
Race: Humanoid feline
Age: Mid 20s
Role: ???
Blue
Name: Blue
Gender Identity: Cis female
Pronouns: She/her
Sexuality: Lesbian
Race: Human
Age: Mid 20s
Role: ???
Enigma
Name: Enigma
Gender Identity: Cis female
Pronouns: She/her
Sexuality: Lesbian
Race: Elf/Fae
Age: Late 20s
Role: Blue's partner
Phocas 'Grim'
Name: Phocas 'Grim'
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Straight
Race: Human
Age: Late 20s
Role: Genevieve's partner
Genevieve
Name: Genevieve
Gender Identity: Cis female
Pronouns: She/her
Sexuality: Straight
Race: Human
Age: 19
Role: Phocas' partner
Charlotte
Name: Charlotte
Gender Identity: Cis female
Pronouns: She/her
Sexuality: Straight
Race: Vampire
Age: Early 30s
Role: Zagan's therapist
Doppelganger
Name: Doppelganger
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Unsure
Race: Fiend
Age: Ageless (appearance is mid-20s)
Role: Jag's caretaker
Tran Sirchade
Name: Tran Sirchade
Gender Identity: Trans woman
Pronouns: She/her
Sexuality: Androsexual
Race: Human
Age: Late 20s
Role: Adonis' partner
Adonis
Name: Adonis
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gay
Race: Human
Age: Early 20s
Role: Tran Sirchade's partner
Katan
Name: Katan
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gay
Race: ???
Age: Early 20s
Role: Adonis' abusive ex
Morbund & Feint
Name: Morbund
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gay
Race: Ghost
Age: Early 20s
Role: Feint's twin/partner
Name: Feint
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: Gay
Race: Ghost
Age: Early 20s
Role: Morbund's twin/partner
Gip
Name: Gip
Gender Identity: Cis male
Pronouns: He/him
Sexuality: ???
Race: Undead
Age: Appearance is mid-twenties
Role: ???
Shadowmen
Name: Shadowmen
Gender Identity: Cis men
Pronouns: He/him/it/its
Sexuality: N/A
Race: Shadow entities
Age: Adults
Role: Trauma fragments (?)
About Me
About
Hi, I'm Shane. I'm what I call 'the main,' in other words, this is my body and I'm the one who is present 99% of the time.I was born premature a few months early via c-section. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and cutting off oxygen, and I was having seizures. They put me in the NICU and paralyzed my body with medications, and I remained there for the first month of my life.I was put on a temporary disability program for children for a little while as I grew into a child. I had health issues, such a midline cyst in my brain, repeated upper respiratory illnesses that put me in the hospital, asthma, and a panic disorder that often made me pass out. I had night terrors as an infant and developed a little slower than most children.I overcame the physical illnesses, and the midline cyst remained benign. A disabling panic disorder stayed with me, however, and I developed depression and agoraphobia while being bullied heavily at school. I started therapy and psychiatric medication at about ten years old after voicing suicidal thoughts.I have survived various traumas from childhood into adulthood, and am a survivor of CSA, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, and abuse by a parent. I have PTSD, BPD, bipolar disorder, panic disorder with agoraphobia, depersonalization/derealization disorder, OCD, and ADHD. I am self-diagnosed autistic, which has been encouraged by my therapist since I can't afford a professional evaluation.I am disabled and chronically ill with fibromyalgia, GERD, chronic pain, spinal stenosis, an auto-immune illness, and nerve damage in my ankles.
Aside from my medical history, I'm an indie author and hobby artist. I'm pretty introverted and spend a lot of time homebound, but I'm on social media often where I get most of my social interaction. I've fallen in love with liminal space aesthetics, dreamcore, and weirdcore since I relate to a lot of it when it comes to dealing with derealization and depersonalization.My headmates who are currently around help me to cope, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Zagan Lestan was the first I met (although he wasn't the first in our headspace), and I was pretty young back then. He saved my life many times, and he showed me the beauty of what love could really be as I got older.Other than all of that, I love music and video games, like Baldur's Gate 3, Skyrim, Oblivion, The Sims, and various indie horror games. Nostalgia is something I get lost in a lot, so my favorite media is usually something from the 90s or early 2000s.Hopefully this page was fun to go through. Feel free to ask about any of us any time.
Other Information
- When It Started
- On the headmates' backstories
- Experiences with Doctors
- I can see them?
- Responses From Others
- Credits
More about my experience with being plural, as well as credits for any images used with permission.